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Title: Salvation Pairing: Cory/Shawn (Cory's POV) Rating: maybe PG,… - You are SO hittin' that!

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March 10th, 2007

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07:53 pm
Title: Salvation
Pairing: Cory/Shawn (Cory's POV)
Rating: maybe PG, more like G though.
Summary: Cory remembers.
Notes: The song is "Salvation" by Roxette. Shut up! I like them. :P

i can barely remember my past
everything seems to disappear so fast
but i recall being jealous and alone
gazing at the dreams going by

I remember always wishing to be the one that was loved by you. I would watch as you flit from one girl to another. Each one seemed more beautiful (and possibly more willing to put out) than the last. You were hotter than you could have begun to think about. I just sat there wishing so hard it hurt that I was the one you would be kissing. The one that you would be with. But for more than just the two week maximum you strictly adhered to.

You starred in all my dreams at night. At that point I never admitted that I had these dreams. Stolen touches, haphazardly drunken kisses that seemed to last forever. They were more sustaining than any food or drink that could be created. Better than anyone could have begun to imagine at any point in time. Kind of like that goblet of sweet-tasting nectar that never ran out. Never.

i started my life when you knocked on the door
found something inside i didn't dare to ignore
now i do believe in flowers on the moon
i'll swim beside the golden tide

Remember when we first met at the llama cage? There was a spark of something special then. I had to be your friend. I had to get to know you. Even though the kids said I shouldn’t. I was so afraid to go out on a limb for anything—as you would know me to be for ALL my life—and nearly let you slip out of my life. I didn’t know what else to do so I staged a fall into the llama cage. I mean, who would fear a llama? Okay, I probably would, but that’s not the point. The point is that you saved me and it gave me a reason to be your friend. No one else would have pulled me out. Not even Topanga. The girl I chased for most of my teenage years. Wow, what was I thinking with her?

With you, anything has always been possible. It always has been. I think it has something to do with you being as special as you are. Seriously. If you wanted to drive cross country in your dad’s truck and trailer, we could do it. We could get into and out of any hijinx with relatively little trouble, although I have to admit, sometimes it was fun to be caught, even if it did get us detentions and stuff like that. With you anything will always be possible. Even if you don’t always realize it.

crashed by the gate
captured my fate
my eyes couldn't see
i hardly breathed
i was diving so deep

Some people can stop and say, “This, this moment right here. This is when I fell in love with you.” I’m not too sure I can say that. Because, honestly, I can’t pinpoint it. I know it was somewhere in the first few times we hung out. Only the feelings grew over the years. I, in my own way, waited breathlessly for your return. You were the only kid I wanted to play with. With you, I always had a taste of freedom and something more.

There are so many times you’ve saved me; I don’t even know where to begin to tell you how much I appreciated your help. You are byfar the most important person in my life and I want it to stay that way because you are so wonderful for me and in my life.

You brought things into my sleepy suburban life I’m sure my parents never wanted me to see. But, honestly, they brought a color to my life that I didn’t know that I would have ever seen given another chance. Everything is different with you. More special even. I just wish that I could tell you these things in adequate words.

i'm down in the study holding on to my luck
will you still love me when i call you up?
i gave you my body, the power over me
come on, bring out the best in me

The first time we made love, it was timid. It was beautiful and you were so perfect that it brought tears to my eyes. I’d waited all this time to be with you and I was finally getting my chance. We didn’t worry about what it meant until after we’d been spent and slept the night away and I awoke to you watching me. How long had you been awake.

I don’t think either of us knew what to make about the recent occasion.

I didn’t talk to you for a few days because you didn’t call and I was afraid to call. Finally, I missed you too much and called you. I was afraid to call and hear you say, “Look, we made a mistake. I’m not sure we should do that again,” because that night in many ways started my life. You inside me, holding me, loving me. I refused to let you push me away. But if you didn’t love me, I wouldn’t make you stay. There are enough loveless situations in your life. I wouldn’t add another.

you crashed by the gate
captured my fate
my eyes couldn't see
i hardly breathed
my heart was asleep

You answered the phone with a breathless, “Cory?” You’d been waiting by the phone and apparently as worried as I was. That made my heart soar after I assured you it was me and I snuck in, “I missed you.”

You told me how you were afraid that I’d had second thoughts and wanted to give me some time to figure out where I wanted our friendship to go. I started to laugh and you became indignant. That’s when I told you what had been going through my mind.

some will get broken
others will get lucky like me meeting you
don't pass me by

When we came out to my parents (your father was long gone at this point and so was your mother), it was the most terrifying experience that either of us had had. We waited while they stared. While they asked us questions we were as honest as we could possibly be.

“What about Topanga?”

“Mom, I don’t love her. I love Shawn. I like Topanga, but it’s not the same.”

“I don’t understand. You all are talking about going to New York together.”

“We are. As friends. We all want to see what else is out there. What other places are like. We’ve lived in these tiny little suburban lives and are curious to see what else can be found.”

She sat there and thought a few minutes. She then welcomed you to the family, because, honestly, she wouldn’t have been able to make me leave the family. She just couldn’t bear something like that. Not that I’m too sure I’d have handled that very well either.

Dad was a bit harder to handle. He didn’t talk to us for the longest time. You were almost ready to leave me so that he would speak to me again because you knew how much I was missing him. But I couldn’t give you up. That would be like asking me to stop breathing.

He came around right before we left for New York.

you crashed by the gate
captured my fate
my eyes couldn't see
i hardly breathed
i was down on my knees

I don’t try to make your part in my life bigger than it is, but you have had a lot of impact on my life and I’m lucky. Not many people get to have this love that makes them feel complete and totally happy. That love that makes everything more tolerable even when people die.

We learned this when your father died. We had many a rough night trying to deal with his loss. He wasn’t the best father, but he was a good man. He’d had a rough life too and didn’t know how to change. When things are rough and hard for you to handle, I just hold you and make sure that you know that I won’t leave you. That I wouldn’t make you face anything alone.

In many ways, the adage, “You’re stuck with me,” is very true. Because, well, you are.

some will get broken
others will get lucky like me meeting you
don't pass me by
don't pass me by

We’ve watched the relationships of our friends grow stronger and have even watched their romantic lives fall apart. Sometimes they couldn’t be around us when they were grieving because we were what they wanted. Not us in reality, but what our relationship means.

Sometimes it hurt both of us to know that they couldn’t be around us but we understood and just waited. I mean, they needed time to figure out what they needed. And, let’s be honest. We are lucky. There are some people that never find the person they’re meant for.

I am lucky. So very lucky.

i found salvation, oh yea
you bring me salvation
i found salvation

You’re my future and my past.

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