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Title: Sin So Well Pairing: Eric/Jason, Jason/OMC Rating: I'd say R… - You are SO hittin' that!

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March 11th, 2007

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08:49 am
Title: Sin So Well
Pairing: Eric/Jason, Jason/OMC
Rating: I'd say R
Summary: Sinning can be so much fun. Through that sinning, one can find their first love and it can be a haunting experience.
Notes: I am not sure what I think of this. The song is "Sin So Well" by Rebekah.

I never expected for things to go like this. My plans were to find a nice girl that I could get along and joke around with and marry her. I would have kids and everything would be wonderful. I also assumed that the girl I married would be my first in accordance with my mother’s religion as well as her well-meaning wishes for her son.

That’s not how it happened and I am glad it didn’t. But, sometimes I wonder how things would have gone had my life followed the normal course.

Mama doesn't like when I sin so well
Heaven's kinda far but I swear that when I'm coming it's close
Cuz we sin so well
Lead us not into temptation
Oh but what a way to go

I remember when we were still in high school and you were the dream of every girl (and some of the guys, too) in school. They would look at your boyish smile and vie for date with you. They would practically fight over you. In those days, I was jealous. I was not the type of guy that girls normally paid attention to. I was (and still am) on the short side. Girls liked me in that cute way, but they wouldn’t consider me as more than a pity date, it seemed. Later, though, I started laughing at them because I ended up with who they wanted.

It started innocently enough (as most things do). I was bemoaning my fate crying about how I was destined to be alone and sad for the rest of my life. And if that was the case I’d never have sex. And that was the part that upset me the most.

I remember how he was sitting next to me on the bed listening to my whining until you moved in front of me and close…you pressed your lips to mine. There was no moment of concern or freaking out about my best friend’s lips on mine. No, there was heat and passion.

It always made me wonder how far he’d gone with his girlfriends because he kissed so well and his hands—oh they were torturous. Eric had me begging for him before he was even halfway ready.

When he was actually inside me I thought I was going to die. Oh God, how it hurt…but eventually he kept hitting that spot. I’ve heard stories since, but I can admit now that I was quite naïve when I was younger. He had me howling and I was so grateful my parents were out of town for the weekend because I don’t think I could have handled the repercussions then.

Oh my flesh has got control of me
I'm human and by nature weak
Cuz humans make it hard to be so holy
Oh angels close your eyes to this
My conscience can't compete with him
Yes I'm losing, please forgive me

The first time I went down on him, I almost couldn’t do it. I was nervous and didn’t know where to begin. He just told me to do what felt right and that included not doing it at all if I wasn’t ready or comfortable with doing this.

Oh, I could guarantee him I wanted to but it was so overwhelming when I hadn’t any experience and was afraid of choking and all those other things you would hear about first-timers doing.

He was patient and guided me through it all. He’d never done it but he’d been with enough girls to know what he liked and what would feel good. I always wondered how many he’d actually slept with but in moments like these I just wanted more contact. More heat.

Mama doesn't like when I sin so well
Heaven's kinda far but I swear that when I'm coming it's close
Cuz we sin so well
Lead us not into temptation
Oh but what a way to go

The first time he’d gone down on me I was in absolute bliss. I thought I was actually going to die from what he was doing. I really thought it was possible.

Every flick of his tongue shot electricity up my spine. He forced choked sobs of pleasure out of my broken lips. A couple times I’d bitten my lip hard enough to draw blood. In those cases he’d lick the wound clean and begin to kiss me.

There was little sweeter than those moments when my lips were throbbing and I was spent with him kissing me so deliciously. Sometimes he would drive me back into the need for him just from those kisses.

Those were the nights we wouldn’t sleep at all. And, oh God, how my muscles would ache.

Oh heaven help this tendency
It's not the way I learned to be
But being bad is such a guilty pleasure
Oh what shall be the consequence
When all they've taught I've gone against
And knowing all this still I go again

My mother raised me Catholic and I followed it seriously and still do. There were times in the night where I would worry for my immortal soul. I would be afraid of dying and going to hell and all those other things that come with damnation.

Eric never really understood my fear but he’d hold me close while I would get so worried I would sometimes cry. I’d cry because I knew no matter how wrong it was, I didn’t want to give him up. I didn’t want to give this up.

One morning after he’d stayed over, my mother, who worked as a nurse, came home from work (my father had gone to work an hour or so before because of the commute). She wanted to ask what we’d like for breakfast.

She walked in on us cuddled together. Naked.

Where do I land if I fall from grace
Will I be redeemed if I seal my fate
I'll do my penance and rosary
But will you pray for my purity

She called his parents as well as mine. She explained what she’d seen. I couldn’t look our parents in the face. My mother ranted and raved about how it was Eric’s fault that this had happened. How could he deflower and immortalize her sweet and oh-so-precious baby?

That day, my parents kicked me out. The Matthews took us in, but we were to sleep in separate rooms. They were okay with us but they didn’t want anyone to have sex in their house because of Morgan and Cory. They didn’t want messages that it really was okay to be sent to them.

When I sin so well
Heaven's kinda far but I swear that when I'm coming it's close
Cuz we sin so well
Lead us not into temptation
Oh but what a way to go

Eric and I are no longer together. We broke up around the time he met Jack. If everyone though Eric was in love with me, they should have seen him with that young man. I couldn’t begrudge it, but it hurt to be tossed aside.
I’ve moved on. I’ve found another, but there are nights when my lover is working late that lead to thinking about Eric. It also reminds me of the love I held for him once.

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